Subrip By Crying Freeman Fixed By Pacman
Over the last few years...
mankind has been witness to a continual parade...
of environmental disasters...
leaving many searching for a ray of hope...
in an already bleak landscape.
This is it. lsnīt it?
Geez, look at this.
Look at this! And itīs mine.
The place is the Arizona desert.
Here, a team of scientists and investors...
led by Dr. Noah Faulkner, has come together...
to create the first space station on Earth--
a self-contained world, a pure environment...
unspoiled, unpolluted...
a world that no longer exists outside.
This Earth Day, Dr. Faulkner and four carefully chosen...
highly qualified scientists will seal themselves inside.
Their mission will be to sustain life for one year...
while living in harmony with nature.
Welcome to Bio-Dome.
Congratulations, Bio-Dome Five, and good luck.
On your steady shoulders...
rests the hopes and dreams of a scientific community--
perhaps the very survival of the human race.
OK, ready?
Paper covers rock.
You lose, Buckwheat.
Sorry, you have to assume the position...
because līm king and youīre the peasant.
l win, you lose!
OK, you ready?
Copy that, Squirly Control.
Stubby!
Squirly!
Should have been harder.
Perfect!
Hi, Mo-Mo, Porky!
Thanks for coming over!
Hey, Budley.
You guys ready to go?
See, thatīs the thing.
Weīre supposed to go with you to this Earth Day thing.
Yeah.
Donīt mimic me.
Easy, Squirly.
Listen, we canīt go.
-Doyle had a bad accident. -What?
Come here. līll show you.
Look at his wrist. ltīs quivering.
Oh, my God! What happened?
līm no doctor, but l think heīs brain-dead.
Yeah, and?
ln tribute to Earth Day...
Doyle was on the couch trying to take down the mahi-mahi...
and set it free!
Free Mahi-mahi...
if you will, and then kaboom !
Gravity snatched the poor little boy...
and he fell down like a rag doll.
ls this one of your convenient little accidents?
Monique, look.
You call a huge welt on the guyīs head an accident?
l canīt make that up.
Please let me out, Mommy...
or at least slide another pancake under the door.
My poor Doyley. līll nurse you.
OK, letīs play nurse.
l smell a scam.
No, thatīs Doyley. Heīs got a quivery colon.
Thatīs cute.
You promised to help us pick up trash today.
Thatīs what Earth Dayīs all about--
saving the environment.
Girls, youīre thinking too globally.
You have to act locally.
We need to stay here and help Doyle merge...
on the road to recovery.
All right, Bud. You win again.
Win? This isnīt a contest.
ltīs not a game here.
Give me a kiss.
What do you think?
ltīs not my fault his brain cramped.
You little dick!
Brain cramp, my butt!
The only thing that hit Doyleīs head is this book!
You cracked Doyleīs skull to get out of this?
The book fell on him !
He fell on the book! They collided!
Bullshit! ltīs just like you to weasel out...
of your responsibilities on Earth Day.
This is Hands Across America all over again.
l had arthritis.
Farm Aid?
l had fleas.
The Save-the-Whales rally?
Salt water makes Doyle bloat.
You guys are pathetic.
Thanks for coming, Mo!
Face it. Weīre dating primates.
Theyīre getting better.
Theyīre taking yoga.
And youīre the one that keeps on raving...
about how flexible Bud is getting.
There is something about a man...
who can lick his own back.
We just have to be patient.
Freeing the mahi-mahi?
What kind of mind thinks up crap like that?
They should be taught a lesson.
They should be punished.
This is Uncle Fred...
from the Carolina School of Bartending.
What are you doing? Grab it. Eat it.
The one with the corn.
You like it.
Good one.
Johnsonīs residence.
Bud Macintosh here. Thatīs my name.
Ask me once. līll say the same.
Hey, Budweezer.
ltīs the girls.
Hey, Mo-Mo. Howīs sanitation detail going?
ltīs great, but weīre going to split.
We met these guys from Arizona Tech...
and theyīre taking us to a kegger at Vasquez Lake.
What? You met men? Of the male persuasion?
Theyīre on the swim team.
Please hold.
Whatīs going on? What?
Monique, Doyle and l just talked it over...
and we decided you cannot go...
to that kegger party at Vasquez Lakes...
with the swimmers.
What are you talking about?
Hold on, guys. Weīre coming.
Whatever, Bud.
Our girls have been seduced by breaststrokers.
They bought it!
Swimmers.
Do you have any idea how many diseases are in pools?
Especially after we swim in them.
-l know! -l canīt believe this!
Shaved-down pool Nazis oiling up our women...
and swimming with them in an Olympic-sized toilet.
Ever see the bathing suits they wear?
Grape smugglers.
Can you believe those girls?
ltīs not like weīre not into saving the environment.
Allīs l know is...
l wonīt lose my beloved to some steroid-friendly...
web-footed, porpoise-prissy punk!
Donīt worry about it though, because l think...
when they see weīve gotten off the couch...
theyīll go into seizures.
-You think? -Total.
Check out that mall, man.
Must be the grand opening.
"Bio-Dome."
Think that means it goes both ways?
l donīt know, but we do.
l donīt think thereīs a kegger at Vasquez Lakes.
Weīve been had, Squirly.
Makes you kind of proud that we got such crafty girlfriends.
Weīre lucky guys.
Thatīs for sure.
Vasquez Lake?
More like Vasquez crap hole.
There used to be fish here, remember?
Yes, l do, Doyle.
A long time ago, when we were kids.
Leave Bud alone, Mom !
līm teaching Bud how to hold his breath underwater.
Much better, Bud.
Letīs try for three minutes.
Those were the days.
Yeah, līll say.
Donīt leave that there, Stub.
Free refills with proof-of-purchase seal.
Nice call.
-Tribal! -Tribal!
l got to take a piss.
-Can you cork it? -Negatory.
Letīs go at the mall right there.
Welcome to Bio-Dome!
Welcome to the future!
Welcome to the place līm going to drain my lizard.
Viva Los Bio-Dome
After all our careful planning...
the many years of meticulous research and experimentation...
our dream is finally at hand.
Thank you.
Viva Los Bio-Dome
Rip Van Tinkle-fest.
Dr. Noah Faulkner.
Thank you. Thank you.
We stand today at the bridge to a future...
where man and the ecosystem can live in harmony...
and make it possible for us...
not only to balance our own fragile planet...
but one day to sustain life on new worlds far, far away.
You have entrusted us with an awesome responsibility.
Swift, swift, swift.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
How can l help you fellas?
Can my friend go inside and pee in your mall?
lt didnīt occur to him to do it at the lake.
Back off, punks.
Sir, yes, sir!
Loosen up, bacon boy.
Just want to go inside and take a pee...
and then we got to go.
What up with that, G?
You girls want to get physical?
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-Exhale, Stubbs. -l kill you.
Whoa, a little demonite.
Look, exhale, Stubbs. Just chill.
Go, go! Sorry about this.
Please, l would like to introduce my team.
Ms. Olivia Biggs, our geologist.
Mr. T.C. Romulus, our entomologist.
Ms. Petra Von Kant, our oceanographer...
and Ms. Mimi Simkins, our agriculturalist.
l canīt do it here.
Tiny Elvis has stage fright.
Just think of the water.
Just let it go. Hurry.
l canīt do it here.
ln the hopes of bettering our environment...
Come on. Give me your smoke.
With the cutting of this ribbon...
a new era in science and technology begins.
What are you doing?
Watch.
Over there, by that grassy knoll!
Assassins! Assassins!
-l canīt get up! -Holy Kennedy!
Section 2, code 3. 10-4.
What kind of mall is this?
Thereīs no stores or food courts or toiletries.
Thereīs got to be a toiletry here somewhere.
Now, look at all the vegetation...
for your fertilization.
lt seems someone was a little eager to celebrate.
God bless you. l know how you feel.
līve been waiting for this moment a long time.
Give me the scissors.
Warning. Warning. Warning.
Toxins being introduced in the rain forest.
Homeostasis is at 99.1 percent.
Here we go.
See you in a year.
Good luck.
-You OK? -Pulled a nad.
Letīs get out of this Jurassic mall...
find our girls...
and take care of what we need to take care of.
Hey! Look! Look!
-Get them out of there! -Oh, my God.
Doyle, l donīt think this is a mall.
Get them out of there!
Youīve got to be kidding me.
My bug!
Son of a bitch.
Here we go.
Mr. Leaky, has there been a security breach?
Who are these men?
Has the Bio-Dome been contaminated?
No, no.
Ladies and gentlemen, surprise, surprise.
We are pleased to announce the arrival...
of our two special scientists.
Beam me up, Stubby.
-Jim, heīs a Vulcan! -This way.
This preplanned addition to Team Bio-Dome...
is intended to simulate the Chaos Theory...
as we encounter it in nature.
Weīll have plenty more information on this...
a little later on, and līll get back to you...
but as you see, right now we have work to do.
Work to do.
Who could be stupid enough...
to think Bio-Dome was a mall?
Bud Macintosh and Doyle Johnson.
Generation X road kill...
on the superhighway of progress.
Theyīre not terrorists. ltīs worse.
Theyīre junior college students from Tucson.
They really thought it was a mall.
Faulkner, get them out now!
The doors are sealed for one year.
l canīt open the doors.
lf l open the doors...
the integrity of the scientific data is compromised.
Everything depends on the time frame of one year.
Screw the time frame!
l have §100 million invested in this.
l donīt intend to lose it because two twits from Tucson...
canīt tell a mall toilet from a damned rain forest!
Squirl, break the ice.
Excuse me, miss. Are you tired?
l beg your pardon?
Are you tired?
No. Why?
Because youīve been running through my mind all day.
Excuse me, miss.
lf you were yogurt, would you be...
fruit-at-the-bottom or stirred?
This is your problem. Fix it.
Then they have to stay.
Our preparation was for five people, not seven.
Adding two more at this stage...
throws the whole system off balance.
Then the system will adapt.
Did it hurt?
Did what hurt?
When you fell from Heaven, did it hurt?
Bud, Doyle, hello!
līm Dr. Noah Faulkner.
You may recognize me from television.
You the guy with the spray-on hair?
Anyway, as līm sure you already know...
you have stumbled into an exciting new world.
Tell me, have you ever dreamt of being famous?
When l was little, l wanted to be a rock star...
because l could do this with my finger.
But as l got older, l realized the reality...
of the corporate rock world sucked.
Besides, you only knew one song.
lronman, lronman
Does whatever an iron can
Pancake flat, like a glove--
Hold it!
Thatīs Spiderman.
Black Sabbath did lron Man.
Oh, come on.
What, do you think youīre so smart?
Think youīre some rocket scientist?
Yes.
Sorry.
What do you boys want out of life?
To die and come back as a leotard?
Well, l may be able...
to offer you a springboard to that future.
We would like you to stay with us.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, man.
You guys arenīt one of those freaky clans?
Dancing naked, you want us to take off our clothes...
youīre going to feed us weird punch...
No.
-Damn. -Shit. We almost had it.
lt was this close.
Boys, this is where youīll be staying...
and l want you to feel right at home.
Weīd be obliged if we could get some nice cushy beds.
With Magic Fingers?
Like the ones at the mall...
that big tourists lie in for free.
They plop down. The kids are around.
"Daddy, look at the little thing!"
And it just rolls--
See? l have a sciatic.
Actually, we have no extra beds.
-A normal mattress? -Without rollers?
Sorry, no.
Here, guys.
Petra and l can live without this stuff.
l know itīs not much.
Have you ever been with a Squirl and a Stub?
For the pillow.
You lose the pillow.
For the blanket.
You lose the blanket.
For fun.
l canīt sleep.
l canīt sleep either.
Letīs go find us some beds.
Get out of here!
Wake up. Smell the coffee.
Good morning and congratulations, all.
We have survived night one.
Congratulations, Doyle!
And the best thing is...
homeostasis was maintained all night.
No!
lt is bad enough that for the next year...
l must share my air, food, and water...
with these Neanderthals...
but l will not share my tools of hygiene.
Relax. ltīs sanitized.
l dunked it in Oliviaīs Scope.
-Simian! -Dick!
You guys wanted us to stay, OK?
Think back. "Springboard into the future."
We didnīt prepare for this voyage.
We need clean teeth, too. All right?
His teeth--look.
You are absolutely right.
You should be brought up to speed.
lt is time for a tour.
Boys. Boys.
From here, you can see...
all the regions of the Bio-Dome--
the rain forest, tropical lagoon, farm...
and the great desert.
Every effort was made to duplicate them precisely...
and all of this is your home now.
But remember, the survival of this system...
is dependent upon homeostasis.
That means a balance...
within an enclosed system itself.
Could we get some binoculars?
Letīs make a rule.
Everything that you did at home...
youīre forbidden to do here.
Everything?
Shave poochie poochie.
Everything.
-OK. -All right.
Donīt move. līll be right back.
But l got a wicked itch on my nads.
Donīt move.
l got a wicked itch on my nads.
Faulkner said donīt move.
l canīt take it anymore!
l canīt take it!
l guess this means weīre our own tour guides.
All right, everybody...
do not feed the animals, stay together...
and no flash photography.
And remember, here at Bio-Dome...
weīre dependent on balancing homos within the system.
Now everybody stay with the group.
Follow me this way.
Jerk, you shouldnīt have hit me so hard.
Oh, my God, come here.
Hey, thereīs no knob here!
Oh, God, here we go.
Olivia, whatīs with this door? ltīs not opening.
Of course it wonīt open.
That door wonīt open again for an entire year.
Nothing goes in or out. Not even air.
lt would take a Sherman tank to open that door.
So what youīre saying is...
You canīt get out.
-Weīre stuck here. -For 12 months.
Thatīs right.
-12 months? -52 weeks.
Yes.
385 days?
Yes, yes, yes.
So what youīre really trying to say is...
Stubby, Squirly--tribal!
līm a Sherman tank.
Sherman tank!
Doyle, Doyle, Doyle of the jungle
Friend to you and me
Watch out for that tree.
Whereīd you go?
Where did you come from?
My mom and the authorities are still figuring that out...
but hey, do you know thereīs a jungle in here?
Yes, l do.
Whoever thought of putting a jungle...
in Arizona is a petty smart guy.
Whoa! Barbarella!
What are you doing, making smoothies?
No.
Nature is about miracles, Bud.
A goat is a miracle.
A carrot is a miracle.
And youīre a miracle, too, Petri.
Whatīs up, Doc?
Why are you putting that guy in the rice paddy?
Tilapia are an integral part of our food supply.
We adopted a technique from Asia.
The fish eat the algae, then fertilize the rice.
So these tipitilia, theyīre going on the rice?
Crapping on the rice.
ln crude laymanīs terms, yes.
Does Uncle Ben know about this?
Hey, l know yoga.
Look.
l do it like that.
Sometimes, l can lick my back, too. Watch.
Then l roll over like this.
The tide monitor needs attention.
Really, l can...
Thank you.
Wait. Donīt go anywhere.
līll show you some other maneuvers later.
You should see what-- God, my sciatic.
Come quick. You gotta see this!
Your sciatic?
Bad?
Get it!
You should see what she did with a carrot.
Russell, thereīs beer cans in the trash in the kitchen...
in the trash in the bathroom...
and in the trash in the basement.
What does that say?
Weīre out of beer?
Mom, would you please tell your love slave...
that if heīs not part of the solution...
heīs part of the problem?
The only problem l have is līve run out of Depends.
There is a bathroom right around the corner.
l cannot go to the bathroom.
l hurt my bladder Rollerblading.
Hey, look at that.
Thereīs that guy Bob...
who l chased out of here the other day.
Theyīre on TV!
ltīs amazing! Can you believe it?
This is Joachim West reporting.
l told you we were into nurturing Mother Earth.
But you didnīt believe us.
Now you guys are thinking locally...
and weīre acting globally.
Just get out of there.
Canīt. We signed up.
Weīre part of the few and the proud.
Part of the problem.
Come on, you guys.
This is an important biological experiment.
Youīll ruin everything.
Maybe youīre not aware of it...
but weīre a vital part of the homeosystem.
Donīt you think your couch is having withdrawals?
Are we supposed to wait a whole year...
for you to get out?
Mo-Mo and Porkchop, there comes a time in life...
when we must sacrifice that is most dear to us...
for the greater good of saving the world...
and now is that time.
ls that how you really feel?
No. This is how l really feel.
Budly, thereīs people around.
l miss it.
l know. l miss you.
līm proud of you.
So l guess this is good-bye?
l guess.
Attention. Dinner is served.
Well, we got to go. Bye.
Bye.
Day one, in the books.
Cheers, mate.
Whatīs with this kibble?
Are you guys trying to poison us?
You donīt like soy casserole?
Crap tastes like it came out of Romulus.
Maybe it did.
Soy is our principal source of protein.
Youīll learn to love it.
Could you at least make it taste like chicken?
A little bouillon base, paprika?
Spice it up a little?
Otherwise, līll shrivel up like a supermodel.
l am so fat.
No, youīre not.
Nobody likes me.
Youīre beautiful.
People didnīt like me in high school.
-Everybody loves you. -Youīre so sweet, Naomi.
Avez-vous a cigarette?
Squirly, you sleeping?
You sleeping?
What did you hit me for?
l canīt sleep.
Think back at those sleepovers we used to have.
Maybe then youīll be able to sleep.
OK.
Whatīs up, Buddy? līm the weasel.
OK, my turn.
Peanut butter and jelly with bacon. Thatīs easy.
Whoa, buddy. Good call, man.
Keep on cruising.
Keep on going down the line.
Mixed green salad with blue cheese dressing.
Bro, that was fully major, dude.
Your beak always knows, buddy.
Keep on cruising.
Come on, buddy. Keep it cruising.
Wait. ltīs over here now.
Yo, Mo. Check it out.
Your friends Bob and Darrell are getting tail.
Assholes.
lf l were you...
līd go out and hump for the next year.
lf l were you, Russ, līd have my mouth...
full of shotgun with my toe on the trigger.
ltīs frightening how much you want me.
Stubby, thriving on chaos!
Those will sell better than lron Maiden merch.
Letīs hope so.
l just want you gentlemen to remember...
how important you are to this whole experiment.
Feel free to contribute.
You are an integral part of the Bio-Dome system.
Since you put it that way...
weīre thinking of you producing environmental condoms.
So when you rip the packet...
itīs automatic sap lubrication.
No chalk on the bark.
Then, when youīre pollinating your flower...
slide, slide, slippedy-slide.
Just smooth...right in.
Then thereīs the Bud and Doyle action figures.
Action figures.
Anatomically correct, of course.
And last but not least...
1-900-SQUlRLY-STUB.
Watch this.
Hi. līm Doyle.
And līm Bud.
And when weīre not out saving the environment...
weīre thinking of you.
Naked, thigh-deep in tofu.
You likey, Leaky?
Our home is the Garden of Eden.
More like the Garden of Boredom.
līm Chairman of the Bored.
We can have our own fun.
Remember when the Magnavox went out...
when we were kids?
Fly, Mary Poppins.
Fly, supercali-fragilistic- expialidocious.
Can we do it again?
Those were the days.
Cheer up, buckaroo.
Just because weīre stuck in a bubble...
doesnīt mean we canīt cause any trouble.
Weīre the everlasting force...
of Squirly!
Stubby!
You ready?
Hut one, hut two, hut, hut, hike!
Let me through.
Come on, let me through.
Neon Deion.
No fair! Personal foul!
You want some of me?
You shouldnīt have had some of me.
Squirly, look!
Fish on the play!
My proposal is that we plant these seeds.
l know youīre thinking "lllegal, illegal"...
but the value of purple sticky ponge...
goes way beyond just toking it.
Ainīt that right, Professor Johnson?
Thatīs correct, Professor Macintosh.
"Purple sticky ponge, or hemp...
"is an excellent source of paper.
"lt makes a fine rope.
"lt can even make a contaminant-free fuel.
"But the greatest value to us Bio-Domers...
"is its rapid rate of photosynensisis...
"which means more oxygen for everyone."
On three.
Three!
Cannonball!
There you go, Mr. Bloom.
Thanks, girls. Now, tell Bud and Doyle...
līm writing a song about them, OK?
OK, we will.
Oh, God.
Check it out.
This is the event youīve been waiting for.
ltīs the annual at Arizona Tech.
ltīs a three-day blowout to benefit the rain forest.
Thereīs going to be seminars and lectures...
and kegs and dudes galore.
We cannot go to this.
Why not, pray tell?
Do Bud and Doyle ring a bell?
A year is a long time to wait for those guys.
You know how old weīll be in a year?
Old.
Real old.
As in not spring chickens, in over the hill--
OK. OK.
Did you see those chicks theyīre with?
Theyīre hot.
So? l trust Doyle.
l love Bud just as much as you love Doyle...
but we got to start thinking about ourselves.
They are.
Oh, OK.
Pay attention, soave-bolla.
Youīre king. līm peasant.
Good afternoon, Petri dish.
Perhaps youīd like to join us...
for a little aperitif on the ridge?
Allow me to present...
Chateau Squirly-Stub.
ltīs a bit plucky, a bit fruity perhaps...
but itīll satisfy your palate...
especially with a big piece of pork.
So thatīs what happened to our fruit harvest.
Youīre incorrigible.
l think theyīre into us.
ln a huge way. Mini-tribal.
Marco!
Cholo!
Marco!
Cholo!
Look. Biodegradable pineapple.
Olivia, Romuli.
Why donīt you guys join us for a little soak?
Thatīs not for bathing.
This is the artificial rain generator.
lt just got a little warmer.
Thereīs nothing artificial about that.
A little acid rain.
They dominate a number of pivotal processes...
occurring in the soil.
A kind of profound taking earth.
Thatīs what makes this so exciting.
ltīs Bud and Doyle.
Doyle, whatīs the hot gossip on the inside?
l really canīt make any comment at this time...
but if l see one more massive orgy...
līm moving to Tibet.
And, hey, Faulkner, quit hogging the K-Y.
Thirty-one...
forty-two...sixty-nine...
seventy-four...
A hundred, a thousand!
Here l come!
Rumball, you got to hide me.
Not in here. Youīll upset my bugs.
Look out!
May l help you?
What are these guys?
Theyīre two of the rarest lepidoptera in the world.
Leppard...
Didnīt their drummer lose an arm?
No. Theyīre butterflies...
from the Brazilian rain forest.
So are you trying to get them to start porking?
Actually, yes.
ln nature, the chances of these two finding each other...
or porking...
is very remote.
We hope to breed thousands here.
Easy, Rumbo.
Gotcha!
Youīve got to take me first!
Mothra! Come back, Mothra!
Please come back, Mothra.
Lepidoptera!
Should we be doing this?
We are not doing anything wrong.
Besides, itīs to save the rain forest.
-Denise. -Roach.
One word. Raid.
Hey, man.
She thinks sheīs cool because she hangs out...
with Bud and Doyleīs girlfriends.
Who?
She digs me, though.
Are those Bio-Dome Bud and Doyleīs girlfriends?
Get that bag.
Excuse me.
Are you done with those beers?
Thanks, but weīre having too much fun sober.
Thatīs cool.
We were collecting empties and recycling them.
Well, take this.
Take mine.
Thereīs a lot of waste at these parties.
Thatīs awfully noble of you.
ltīs what weīre compelled to do.
Weīre having a little fete to save the rain forest.
lf youīd like to come, show your support...
Will it be like this?
-No. -Not at all.
ltīs going to be decent.
ltīs at the quad.
Weīll be there.
Weīll see you tomorrow.
Thanks.
Noah, itīs been a nonstop moronathon.
l did not dedicate my life to science...
just to baby-sit a couple of baboons.
They eat like savages.
At this rate, weīll run out of foodstuffs.
Theyīre going to ruin everything.
You sliced it.
Damn it, Billy.
Damn it, damn it!
How am l supposed to hit...
a double birdie with the shower iron?
Youīre embarrassing me in front of my friends.
Come on, Billy.
Anatomically correct.
Are you sure this flypaperīs going to work?
līm positive. ltīs really sticky.
My dad used to use it to line my playpen.
You must have been in this position a lot.
Help, Daddy, please.
Get me down. l wet my Huggies.
Nobody loves me.
Oh, shut up.
CD-ROM, come with us.
We got a big surprise for you.
Youīve been diagnosed with Ebola...
and youīre about to bleed out?
No. Doyleīs got a boner he wants to put in your ear.
This is a really big surprise.
lf itīs about Faulknerīs third nipple...
donīt bother. l know that.
Faulknerīs got three nipples?
Pretty cool.
Come on. Hurry!
We felt pretty awful when we let all your bugs out.
We promised each other we wouldnīt sleep...
until we brought back every last bug.
You mean you found my bugs?
Look!
Giant flypaper!
l think we got them all...
but thereīs still a couple flapping right there.
The horror! The pain!
-Come on! -Please!
Weīre sorry!
What l wouldnīt do for just a Big Mac right now.
Dude, donīt even say that word.
Two all-beef patties, special sauce...
lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions...
on a sesame seed bun.
Bladder Buster, no ice.
Breakfast burrito.
l canīt take it anymore!
We got to get out of here.
We should relax a little...
before Chaulkner chills out a little, donīt you think?
Whatīs he going to do? Expel us?
Youīre right, Stub.
We own this place.
Total.
The whole world.
Hey, turn into a table.
Uppity-up.
Youīre pretty steady on all fours.
Get me up.
Right down here.
You sure?
Look, l can tell it.
My beak has got a hunch.
Like a Doberman pinscher.
The coast is clear.
-Stop! -Look out.
Come down.
This is it.
You sure?
Open it up. Bring it down.
All right.
Come on. Be careful.
This is the one.
Thereīs food in there. l feel it.
l feel the aroma.
Hey, Squirl?
lf we blow up, itīs been nice knowing you.
All right. Open it.
Was l right?
Didnīt l tell you?
-Whoīs the master? -You.
-Whoīs the king? -Squirl.
-Whoīs the shrewdest? -Squirly.
Just follow your nose. Letīs eat!
We have chippies! Lots of stuff to eat.
ls that laughing gas?
No way.
l donīt know.
Turn it on.
Let me try it. Let go.
Dennis Hopper, "Blue Velvet."
"Oh, līm slutty."
l donīt feel anything. You?
Me neither. You?
Nothing.
ltīs raining, itīs pouring
The old man is snoring
l got to have Spam.
l feel like a duck-billed platypus, man.
Want halves?
Perfect.
Anything?
l didnīt feel anything. Nothing.
Nitrous oxide. Are you crazy?
What the hell is going on here?
The desert? But weīll starve!
Not necessarily.
lt is life on a taut tensile line...
but the desert is an integral part of nature.
Unbelievable.
So itīs just vamos, get out of here.
You guys go your thing, and we go ours.
The idea being that while we are here...
you are there.
Like we want to hang with you guys anymore.
Weīre going to start our own Bio-Dome.
One with a dome within a dome!
So donīt come knocking on our door.
Do you understand?
All we need are two helpers.
Girls, come with us...
because girls are an integral part of nature, too.
Yeah, come on.
We still got each other, Squirl.
You wonīt have to eat any more of that food.
Girls, donīt do this.
-l canīt see you. -Whereīd they go?
līm so hungry.
We got to get out of here.
l donīt want to have to eat you.
l donīt want you to eat me, either.
Squirl, the Grim Reaper is breathing down our necks.
ltīs not looking too good.
Thereīs something l have to get off my chest before we die.
Remember that really cute...
little teeny, little tiny, little turtle...
you had when we were growing up that disappeared...
and then they put your kitty cat to sleep for eating him?
What really happened was is that l stepped on him.
And then l flushed him down the toilet...
and let the cat take the rap.
Frisky?
He went down like a champ, Squirl.
Remember your Uncle Murray divorced your Aunt Flo...
for sleeping with that flamingo dancer?
Her children disowned her, the church shunned her.
She started a drinking binge.
That flamingo dancerīs outfit he found was mine.
My mom was trying to make me take lessons...
to impress the neighbors.
So l took the outfit, l hid it in Aunt Floīs bedroom.
l said l got mugged.
Aunt Floīs insane now.
Yeah, but she has her independence.
Remember the Great Fire of 1979...
that supposedly started in your garage...
when that chipmunk ingested some fertilizer...
and then fell into a can of kerosene...
instantly turning him into a flying little...
fluffy Molotov cocktail that set a blaze...
leveling the whole neighborhood...
west of Newtonīs hardware store?
You started that fire?
No, but that was pretty cool, huh?
-Noah. -Can we talk to you?
Weīre concerned about Bud and Doyle.
We think theyīve been down there for long enough.
Do you?
Yes. We canīt just leave them there.
-They canīt survive. -lt would be murder.
No. ltīs progress.
Weīre culling the herd.
They are a symbol...
of everything that is wrong with this world.
They donīt care. They donīt matter.
Doyle, thereīs a tasty dactyl.
-Got him, Squirl. -līm going to eat you.
l want to eat them with the frog leg.
Squirl, wait, wait, wait!
A key!
No way!
Parking tickets?
-What am l going to-- -After all weīve done--
Oh, my--A boot.
l canīt believe it.
l canīt believe they would put a boot...
on a Bio-Dome scientistīs car.
ltīs not like we didnīt try to help the ecological system.
Aw, donīt cry, Doyle. ltīs OK.
Here. Come on. Weīll get you some food.
A little Bladder Buster?
-Hey, coach! Pizza! -Stop!
Here are the pizzas. The Bladder Busters are free...
because l couldnīt find the goddamn place.
Russell?
-Bob. -How did you get a job?
Fucking President Clinton.
You had sex with President Clinton?
Thatīs pretty cool.
So, howīs my juicy treat?
She and that other bimbo...
they picked up two guys at Arizona Tech.
Theyīre having a party to save the environment.
You owe me §57.50--plus a tip.
What does "in the flesh" mean?
l think it has something to do with tassels.
You got to take us to this party.
l got pies to deliver. Get off the goddamn car!
Can you believe this?
Right now, the whole ATU campus is probably being overrun...
by some touchy-feely, "save the environment" mania...
and guess whoīs right in the middle of it.
Our chicks. Theyīre probably swapping Mark Spitz...
with those grape smugglers right now.
No preppy blow-hard is going to steal my chick without a fight.
First Frisky, now this.
All l know is someoneīs going down!
Hey, put the gun away, Stub. Stub, put the gun away.
Evil is not a good thing right now. Just relax. Exhale.
All we got to do, bro, is outparty the partyers.
Bring the mountain to Mohammed.
Throw a bigger bash than any college would ever allow.
Show the girls that we care about the environment, too.
-Do we? -No.
Where are we going to throw this party?
Viva Los Bio-Dome!
Cornicopy-a. Roach here.
Roach, itīs me, Bud.
Thanks for blowing me off on my birthday, nature boy.
l guess now that youīre Mr. Scientist...
you donīt have time for your bourgeois friends anymore.
Donīt bourgeois shmougeois me, OK?
Weīve been stuck in a bubble.
Look, youīve got to do me a favor.
Remember last year when we had that big, like...
freaked-out festival and stuff...
and l made you my little buddy, and you went and passed--
Give me the drink! Wait.
And l made you pass out fliers?
l need you to do the same thing, but this time--whoo!
First you need the planet
The earth beneath your feet
You couldnīt live an instant without that
Then you need the air
OK, everybody turn!
Couldnīt live five minutes without that
Can someone please explain...
how drinking beer and playing hacky sack...
can help improve the environment?
ltīs all about raising consciousness.
You just canīt stand up and preach about it.
Let me open up your chakras, Monique.
No, thanks, Siddhartha.
What we need is to save some trees
We just want to save some trees
Donīt say we didnīt save some frigginī trees
Party at Bio-Dome? All right, letīs go!
Bud and Doyle are having a party at the Bio-Dome?
Thatīs crazy. What are they thinking?
-How? -What about our party?
Blow me, partner. Weīre going to Bio-Dome.
Thanks for the back rub.
Maybe theyīre planning on a lecture in the parking lot.
Wouldnīt it be cool if they had those huge television setups...
so we could see whatīs going on inside?
-Moths? -Noctuidae principalis.
-We donīt have them here. -Something is happening.
Have you seen her face?
Sheīs got a face that could stop a clock...
Until you look her in the eyes
And her moneyīs green
Sheīs a tease like a social disease
She seems so close to my reach
lf l could count, l could count it all
Lady, turn me on
Jackknife!
You can take her for a ride
Are you guys in a band?
Weīre the Bio-Dome Five.
Which oneīs Tito?
And l canīt even fake a smile
Without laughing inside all the while
Heīs a whore, do anything for money
Heīs a whore
There is no law now!
Do anything for money, heīs a whore
And the stories l could tell
Look out!
Oh, my God!
Theyīre going inside?
līm a whore, do anything for money
līm a whore, so the story goes
Monique, Jen. Buona notte.
-Where are they? -Bud and Doyle?
Here you are. Half-price.
Yeah, right.
Fine. Be that way, snivelers.
Oh, my!
This canīt be.
En garde.
-What are you doing? -Weīre partying.
Youīre thrashing this place, you phonies.
So?
l thought you cared about the environment.
No. We just want to get laid.
Hell, līd strangle a dolphin to get into her pants.
Bud and Doyle!
Hey, everybody, welcome to the party!
l could get used to this, Squirl.
lt was just a matter of time.
Monique, Jen, welcome to paradise!
Ladies, so good of you to come.
Join us!
My queen, this is your kingdom...
and now weīre all acting globally.
Bud, stop this!
-Stop what? -This!
Doyle, look at this place. ltīs being destroyed.
l thought you guys wanted a big environmental party.
You assholes!
Donīt you care about anything?
Bud, youīre killing the Bio-Dome.
You shouldnīt be doing this. This is our mess.
This is our problem.
Donīt touch me.
Stop! Come on, you guys. Youīre making us feel worse.
Good.
Do you guys even realize what youīve done?
Youīre scum.
You know how embarrassed l am that l even know you?
-Weīre sorry. -Yeah, we didnīt think.
Thatīs the problem, Bud.
-You never think. -About anything.
Wait. Monique, stop!
Can we call you later?
Bud, this isnīt a joke.
l never want to see you again.
-l donīt know you. -līm Doyle Johnson.
Youīve seen me naked.
Faulknerīs gone.
He disappeared.
All we found were these.
They look as though theyīve been chewed by a rat.
The first rat to desert a sinking ship.
Romulus, l should have left you in charge.
Well, maybe not.
Mr. Leaky? The damage is devastating.
The toxins are way off the scale...
and the pH is acidic enough to digest a battery.
lt took years to build this world...
and you geniuses took only one month to destroy it.
God couldnīt work at such a fast pace.
l havenīt seen devastation of this magnitude...
since the Great Chipmunk Fire of ī79.
Go home. ltīs over.
We made Vasquez Lake.
-We got to fix it. -We got to.
-Where are you guys headed? -Out.
Well, wait.
You canīt leave. Weīre going to need your help.
-For what? -To clean this place up.
Thereīs no point in staying. The ecosystem is dead.
ltīs not dead. ltīs just thrashed.
The point was to live in a sealed environment...
and maintain perfect homeostasis...
without contact from the outside world.
The entire experiment has been compromised.
Wait!
Screw the experiment!
No one leaves.
Now, listen!
Weīre taking over this dome...
and you guys are going to help us fix it.
Do you have any idea how impossible it would be...
to make this place habitable again?
lmpossible is my nom de plumb.
Now, you guys have spent your whole lives...
trying to make the world a better place, right?
Well, hereīs your chance.
Only itīs not perfect. ltīs like it is out there.
Come on, guys.
We got to save the Bio-Dome.
līve never quit anything in my whole life...
except Chinese calligraphy...
my thesis, "Tuna and you-- the early years"...
Kangaroo anatomy, toe photography...
booger sculpture, and masturbation.
Well, maybe not masturbation, but give me a break.
ltīs the only thing līm good at.
You are very good at it, Stub-- very good.
So come on. Whoīs a quitter?
ln five seconds, līm going to swallow this key...
so if you want to leave, you better do it now.
Count it, Squirl.
One...
two...
līll do it.
three...
four...
Wait, wait, wait. l donīt want to get locked in.
Just wait one second, please.
Let me out of here. Donīt. Open the door.
Thank you, Bob. Nice to see you again, Darrell.
Last chance.
Five.
Dick!
Oh, my God. You did it.
Weīre all going to die!
Grouse mate for life, year after year after year.
They travel thousands of miles to reunite and mate.
We were watching that.
līll put it right back. l want to see if the sniper...
killed the clown at the mall.
lf we slow it down, we can actually see the bullets...
enter and exit Buttercup.
-Ew! -Gross!
Back and to the left.
A clown.
The infamous Bio-Dome is back in the news.
lt seems a standoff has developed...
between scientists still inside...
and project investors.
Our Joachim West is live at the scene.
Aries, the Bio-Dome scientists...
are refusing to leave the world they destroyed.
Bud and Doyle, l love you!
-A standoff? -Hold it. Thereīs Mr. Leaky...
the projectīs principal investor.
l studied chemistry in Sweden!
l can lick my back!
All l can say right now is weīre still negotiating.
Weīre trying to keep them aware...
of the dangerously low level of oxygen inside.
Thatīs all for now.
Homeostasis is 1% of normal.
Animal life will terminate in fourteen days.
Fourteen days? Thatīs almost two weeks.
This is madness. l donīt see how it can be done.
Bingo! Revive plant life.
See? Now the plants will get that island tan.
Photosynthesize, planties.
Hopefully, it will also produce...
what Doyle and l call the beer can effect...
whereby heat inside will stimulate condensation...
you know, like the outside of a cold brew.
That should increase the moisture inside here...
and bring on a nice little downpour.
ltīll work. All we got to do is filter the air.
Light bulb!
Making a filter
Donīt worry, Stub.
Olivia said we could just use wet bed sheets.
-What about all these butts? -At least you collected them.
Do you know how many laws youīve broken?
How many?
Bud, Doyle, whereīs the key to the back door?
-Doyleīs got it. -Thank God!
-Doyle, give me the key. -Give the man the key.
-You sure? -Give him the key.
Push!
He needs a cup of joe to let it flow!
Leaky, reach on up in there and get it!
But make sure you take off your watch.
No, l was the last one out, right?
And Bob, the last words he said to me were...
"lf l go, man, you take the torch.
"You save the planet." Right? And līm like, "Wild!"
-Excuse me. -Monique!
l see Mom let you off your leash.
Bud and Doyle refuse to speak to anyone but you.
You would be doing the world and posterity...
a great favor if you could convince them both...
to give up this foolish quest.
Hi, guys.
So, uh...
So when are you guys going to come out?
Earth Day.
You guys still mad at us?
ls that what this is all about?
This isnīt one of our pranks. Weīre for real.
Youīre really for real?
We think about you guys all the time.
We miss you, too.
Youīve come a long way, Bud.
Thanks. That really helped a lot.
līve used this technique in many siege situations.
ltīs pure torture. This will definitely drive them out.
Youīre the expert.
Good boy, Billy. Good boy.
Come on. Come on.
Romulus! Your papalopadus are porking!
Excellent tree bark, yīall.
Tastes just like chicken.
Here you go, friend.
48% of normal!
ltīs really like l have two sons--Doyle and Bud.
l have one from Līlnstitut de Nature in Strasbourg.
They want Bud and Doyle to stockpile their sperm bank.
This oneīs from the people at Bladder Buster.
They want the boys to endorse their new drink--
the Colonic Cannon.
Youīre not going to believe who this oneīs from.
"Viva Los Bio-Dome!"
Might be quite hard. Take the right leg. Throw it up.
Push it to your chest and then behind the head.
We could grow a whole new crop of tomatoes.
Trick or treat!
What, you guys donīt have any candy?
Oh, Mr. Dude, look at you.
And whatīs your little name?
Purple sticky ponge.
Youīre going to make someone really happy.
Checking Santaīs list...
to see whoīs been naughty and nice.
Bud and Doyle!
Happy New Year!
Crunchy soy patty...
with lactose-free cheese?
l need a fuse.
lonized porkodilineate...
with red dye number two?
Yeah. Keep going.
What senseless vandalism.
Do you think itīs really Faulkner?
Whoever was in this closet knew what they were looking for.
l want to talk to him and tell him weīre sorry...
and that weīre going to try and make up for it.
We should get him back here, involved, you know?
We could use another genius.
l donīt think thatīs a very good idea.
lf he wanted to talk, he would have come to us.
What do you think heīs been doing all this time?
Ramona
l will fly
l am God.
No. l am God.
All is peaceful and quiet here tonight...
as the domers spend their last days inside...
trying to reach homeostasis.
This is Joachim West reporting.
ltīs going to be a real blast-- three-day rally to boycott fur.
Why donīt you start with the fur on your back, homo?
Sapiens.
That was good.
No. l am God.
Homeostasis is at 98%.
Weīre close. ltīs going to come down to the wire.
Only ten hours left.
lf only we had another day.
Or another twenty-four hours.
Ladies.
Hey, guys.
We just...
we wanted to say thanks for everything.
We thought you were brain-damaged or something...
but we were wrong.
Youīre very special.
You mean special, like riding on...
the little yellow bus to school special?
Very special.
And, Doyle, līve been thinking about that yogurt thing.
Fruit at the bottom, waiting to be stirred.
Wait. l have a girlfriend.
Excuse me. līm sorry.
Weīre sorry. ltīs just...
we have girlfriends on the outside of the dome...
but you are just fan--
Good night, Squirly.
-Good night, Doyle. -Wait.
That might have been...
the smartest or the dumbest thing...
weīve ever done in our lives.
Probably both.
Whatīs that noise?
-What? -Do you hear that?
-Yeah. What is it? -l donīt know.
Wow!
Check out Faulknerīs secret hatch action.
-Cool. -Yes. How James Bondish.
Hurry up.
Come on, Stub.
Wow.
What is that?
Ahoy, Noah!
Matey!
You donīt look so good.
Youīre looking kind of grisly.
l--l have a lovely sack of coconuts...
that līve altered in a small way...
and l wondered...
would you be kind enough to hold them for me?
-OK. -sure.
-How you been, man? -We missed you.
Smelly.
OK. ln case youīve been wondering...
we have been kicking some serious ass...
on the homeostasis front.
This place is almost back to normal.
So what are the coconuts for-- pina coladas?
līm rigging some pyrotechnics...
for the door-opening ceremony tomorrow...
which l feel is essential...
for the culmination of this whole process.
Give me that thing. Yes. Yes.
l donīt think he liked the way you play with his coconuts.
When the doors open, l donīt anticipate any problems.
Just let them come out.
lsnīt it amazing how clear everything gets sometimes?
Havenīt you felt that in the moment...
when everything is proportionately correct?
Thatīs how l am now.
Anyway, boys, keep your eye on the clock.
When it hits zero, you will like what you see.
Adieu!
And off he goes.
lnto the wild blue.
-Come on. -OK.
Hey, wait a minute.
Cluster. Coconut.
Hey, you know, heīs not such a bad guy.
For a grizzly guy.
l mean, heīs just a little...
Heīs misunderstood.
Exactly.
You know what? We bring out the best in people.
And people bring out the best in us, too, Doyle.
Look at us right now.
l mean, whoīd have ever thought...
Look! Right?
Here. Go long.
-Stubby going long! -Keep going!
l got it! l got it!
You OK, Stub?
That was no ordinary coconut.
We rigged tons of those things, Squirl.
They could level this place!
Let us out of here!
Thereīs a bomb in here!
Hey, whatīs going on?
Donīt worry.
You canīt do that.
This costs two thousand dollars a sheet!
-Damn bionic glass! -What are we going to do?
We got to stop that mother Faulkner!
You guys, come back! ltīs too dangerous back there!
My creation!
l know thee not.
But go gently...
into the maelstrom.
Freeze!
Roshambo for the Dome, doc? You feel lucky?
Well, yeah. l think l do.
On three--one, two, three.
Paper?
Donīt feel bad.
l would have done it anyway.
Give me the detonator.
What is the magic word?
There has to be a magic word.
The magic wordīs on three.
Three!
You cut him off through the tunnel.
līm going to go get his maelstrom.
l got you now, Faulkner!
Come on, baby! līm coming for you!
Wheels!
So thatīs how that ratīs been getting around!
When l get you, līm going to--
Slow down.
-līm going back in. -līll go with you.
līm going--
to worry about you guys while youīre in there.
Just kidding! līm coming!
When l see you, līm going to-- līm going to--
Will you finish a complete thought?
l got it. l got it!
You idiot!
Hang on, Squirl!
-Get him, Squirl! -Canīt turn it off!
Youīre choking me!
-Give it-- -No!
-Give me the detonator! -No!
līm coming, Squirl!
Assume the position!
Warning--detonation in five...
four, three...
two, one.
Destruct sequence deactivated.
Homeostasis restored to 100%.
-Happy Earth Day. -Whatīs happening?
We did it!
Oh, my God.
That was the stupidest thing weīve ever done.
Youīre right, but sometimes stupid can be pretty cool.
Hey, we did it! We stopped Faulkner!
We saved the dome!
l love you.
God, Romulus, easy with the tongue action.
Poor folks. They must be toast.
Remember your training.
Whereīs Faulkner? Letīs go arrest him !
l really underestimated you fellows.
lnterested in a permanent job at Bio-Dome? Big bucks.
You guys are my heroes.
Bye, Bud. Weīll miss you.
Well, Petri dish, what can l say?
How about good-bye?
You can save the world from your couch.
līm so proud of you, Doyle.
-līm proud of me, too. -You should be.
l love you!
We definitely learned a few things, thatīs for sure.
For one, we definitely have to listen to--
Your girlfriends?
Yes, but most importantly, Mother Nature.
Whatīs wrong, sweetie?
l think Mother Natureīs calling me again right now.
-Can you cork it? -Negatory.
Thereīs no place to go out here.
Hey, what about that factory?
l donīt think so, Bud.
Trust me, OK? Weīre celebrities.
Car, drive up!
Any of you guys seen Faulkner?
No sign of him over here.
How could he have gotten out?
Heīs not here. l donīt see him.
-Check over in the lagoon. -Heīs not here.
Hey! He must have gotten through the back door!
Whereīd he get the key?
Subrip By Crying Freeman Fixed By Pacman